farah’s corner

i’m now so in the melancholic mood….

i used to be so passionate bout my work, so enthusiast so absorbed…
but now, although it’s already gonna be midnight and i’m still at my office desk but my heart is somewhere else…

a lot of disturbing things had occured these days and it really drained me out. the things, the news, rumours gossips as well as bitter truth that had been passing my ear drums is totally tormenting me… itulah fresh grad, no working experience and so… bila ur losing it… of course the anxiety is absurdly rising..

i’m not in the position to say out what is that’s bugging me. to keep it to myself…  being here is  something  i enjoy  doing to the extend that i’d sacrifice my weekends to be  here… sometimes when u become too confortable with the environment , to the people especially and then suddenly ur  losing it/them so it really makes me feel so uptight.

at this time i really feel so misreable and my performance is deteriorating… it’s really tormenting

so sad….

    
       
          it’s not kawaii afterall
       
    
      

researcher
is not a cup of cake. that aint fake. but being having to work with
those who arent willing to sacrifice like u do is even more tormenting.
or was it me who has to manage my time well so that i dont have to work in absurd hours..??

although i’m new but i do realize others put up high expectations upon me.
when
i first enteredi was being alarmed that i shall only report to my
immediate boss which is the head of technology department. but however
as time flies it appears that apparently i have to report to the vice
president, the senior vice president and CEO-the president also.

well
i guess when i have to deal directly with these gentlemen, therefore
more effort is needed. can’t afford to make mistakes now. clearly, it’s
not good when ur becoming extra hardworking, the big bosses are now
focusing on ur work…

adusss…
and to think, terketaq2 all
by myself, man, dont know how long i can put up with these… dealing
with the ministry aint gonna be easy, all the best to me for this
monday’s meeting. hopefully some miracle can happen. no delays, no
postpones non what so ever… (wonder these things can disappear from
the government)

adusss…..
and i end up working during weekends and holidays huhuh

    
       
          boleh gila macam ni
       
    
      

as a purely scientific person, aku rasa aku blh gila.

i’m surrounded by managers and business oriented people and i’m so damn clueless of what on earth are they blabbering about.

it’s
about time for me to dive into the money-money world, kena go through
all these books, kena cekik my managers and suck out their knowledge
although just a teeny-weeny portion of it skalipun huhuhuh….

once again, gambatte…

again….

i’m actually ind of content with my life now, that i’m finally catching up with my peers, x-classmates who’d probably be doing PhD or something equivalent to that, just catching upla….

although with the fact that i’m coming back to the office on weekends and public holidays on extreme hours, but then to me it’s all fine with me as long as i feel that i’m safe and nobody practically taking advantage on my willingness…

But then again still i have to think that things can get a lil creepy here especially when ur all by urself… like now… it’s already 10something pm and i’m alone in da office, feels so creepy siot, but what to do, tuntutan kerja…

I do not want to rush to the office in da morning rushing like hell. esok ada meeting with senior vice president so ada stuff that i need to prepare…

well this is the kind of life i choose so must allign myself and manage my time well… but these few days i asyik balik awal so rasa sedikit bersalah (9pm tu awal la kan..)

but anyway, all the best again to me…